wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
