Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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