he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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