His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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