I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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