you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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