Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
