Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
