he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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