anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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