Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
