I must be too annoying 4 u.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
