first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
