yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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