We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
