forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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