i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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