her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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