you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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