The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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