we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
