There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
