so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
