sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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