My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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