wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
