Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
