lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
