I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
