Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
