i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
