she looked like the before picture.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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