Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
