so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
