I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
