I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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