dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
