I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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