I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
