More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so that wasnt chicken after all
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My bed smells like the plague
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