shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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