I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
