We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
