Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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