When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
