K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How external is "for external use only"?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize