I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
did you just send me my own nude
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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