I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
