I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
