This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
