gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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