i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
