Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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