would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
smell my finger.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize