Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
