He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
