I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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