dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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