I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
