is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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