I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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