The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
