You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
