my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
