she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
