Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
