Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize