Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
