I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
not ubering you a puppy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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