last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
