are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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