Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
