I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
