My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I smell stomach acid.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
