Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
