all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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