i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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