I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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