Screwed.edu
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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