you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
