Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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